Wakeup call

July 2020

Do you know this feeling when you feel that whatever you're doing, you shouldn't be doing it because it's harmful for you, but you still keep doing it because you are so used to that feeling, so you just swallow your guilt and keep doing it over and over again? This is exactly how I felt about using steroid creams until I had my wakeup call.

Using steroid creams over and over again, even though it gave me a shady feeling

For a long time I had a bad feeling when using steroid creams. Like I shouldn't do that... But I didn't listen to this feeling and just kept using it anyways whenever I had the slightest flare up. Feeling a little bit guilty, feeling like I should know a better solution by now. I could never really deal with this face to face because I found it hard to realise my feelings and put them on a more conscious level, on the level of my thoughts.

Summer 2020

As for so many people, 2020 was a huge self-reflection and awakening year for me too. For the very first time in my life I heard and felt my intuition really strongly and I actually listened to it and followed its guidance. This inner voice, my unconscious finally made it to the level of manifesting as thoughts.

I clearly had a strong feeling against steroid cream and I didn't really know why at that moment. The only thing I knew was that my body and mind are strongly against it, so I decided to really stop.

I had used steroid creams all my life since my early childhood, so it really took one-two months until I stopped completely with it. I tried to use lotions and natural moisturisers instead, but it seemed like nothing worked. My arms were flaring up everywhere, my whole body became itchy and uncontrollable. I could barely sleep in the nights because the itch was just going so deep, it didn't even come from my skin but more from the level of my bones or muscles. I couldn't stop scratching myself, there was not a single minute when I was not scratching.

At this time I read a lot of articles about TSW, Topical Steroid Withdrawal. Topical steroids (and oral steroids or injected steroids) are actually pushing the inflammation back to the blood vessels and creating a totally weird balance in the body. They stop the skin from functioning healthy, making it thin and dependent on steroids. The skin eventually loses its elasticity, it becomes thin and dry, more prone to inflammation as we scratch it. TSW happens when we stop using steroids. The skin wants to detoxify and build a healthy, new, natural skin back, but since it's so thin and weak, it can take up to years until it's healed again. The only solution here is to wait and to try to rest, detoxify and calm down as much as possible.

So I tried to detoxify and rest as much as possible and I found out something that was key for my healing.

I simply couldn't rest. I was so in my head, so in the feelings of itch, I was so nervous about my career, about my love life, about my social life, about literally every single aspect of my life, but me.

I never ever had to stop before and focus on myself. I had no clue how to practise self-love or self-care. I felt like a raging child, I was screaming inside. I abandoned myself. I had no clue who I was and what I should do. Waiting and resting sounded like something unreachable for me. I was a fast, practical, glowing woman before.

'' I'm not just going to sit home and rest, that's for the sick, that's for losers! I want to be productive, efficient, fast, I want to be a winner! ''

I realised how my whole attitude was hyped up, arrogant, judgemental. I never accepted my current situation, always had some negative thoughts about myself, my life, my health, my body. I compared myself with others all the time, thinking:

'' Why do I need to have this condition? Why can't I be healthy and pretty as other women? Why do I need to look and feel all the time so miserable? Why can't I be just happy? Why do I always need to be unhappy? What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me? ''

I was so extremely caught up in my own sorrow, never leaving a break, a pause, a single moment of peace to myself. Focusing on what I was not, who I was not, how far I was from my glorious expectations. And now I felt like I was stuck in my own trap. What I realised at this point was that it's not gonna take one or two months to get healthy. Maybe not even a year. And I realised how much I needed to change.

I wanted to heal and rewire my thoughts, my attitude, my mental health while restoring my physical health. It was a huge journey ahead and I stepped into it with hope and doubt.

Disclaimer: I'm not a healthcare professional, the information provided about TSW and steroid creams might not cover the whole truth. These are my own experiences, only for informational purposes. Please do your own research before starting anything related to your skin condition. And please always seek the help of a professional, such as a dietitian, naturopath, TCM doctor, Ayurveda doctor, psychologist or other doctors.


Julia Blanka

With the knowledge I gained during my education as a holistic health and nutrition coach and with my genuine passion for holistic wellbeing and skincare I’m on the mission to guide you to your healthiest, most beautiful self.

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